Chapter 4

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Fifty years ago pickup trucks were sold to people who needed pickup trucks.

Now they are sold, largely, to people who want to ride bigger or higher or more imposingly or more threateningly in everyone else's rear-view mirrors -- in other words, to express their contempt for, and fantasized dominance of, the people with whom they share the world.

It might not be like this where you are*; but here in the town where I live, there is a point system:
If you have a truck, you might be a psycho or you might be okay.
If it is black, it strongly suggests that you are a psycho.
If it is black and a Ford, it is a near-guaranteed cinch that you are a person who should be removed from the population. The black Ford disease is so active that it spreads beyond full-size pickups into black Ford compact trucks and SUVs.

I actually saw a great Black Ford Truck trick last Saturday. He was parked at the hardware store, with his right-hand-side tires right on the painted parking space line as they almost always do, so he can disable two parking spaces but deny that he is "in" two parking spaces. But this guy added a new wrinkle: He left the drivers' door wide open while he was in the store, which was quite a while; so the empty space on that side was disabled as well. One psycho, three spaces. Nice job!


Update: The black truck owners in my neighborhood have recently grasped the concept that if motorcycles can have ear-shatteringly loud exhausts, they can too.

This is not a good thing.


* It probably isn't. Our city has an enormous lout population. Other cities aren't quite like this.
I would love to see a city-by-city ranking of black pickup trucks and SUVs over population.
I'll bet we're near the top.