Chapter 9

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Regrettable Fashions Department:

Upper-level appreciators of pretty women will remember the dismal and regrettable dumpy-butt jeans of about 2007.

The whole idea of jeans on pretty women is that the jeans followed the complexly convex and convave curves of the admirable fanny. But for a regrettable couple of years, women's jeans bridged the divide between buns, looking pretty much like a loaded diaper. I can't imagine who thought that that was a good idea, but it sure wasn't a heterosexual male.

You never noticed?


About the same time there was a plague of toilet-seat beards circling the lips of men everywhere. On a very few, the beards looked good, but it was a fad and most of the men who followed it shouldn't have. Some of them really shouldn't have.

Those silly little beards were everywhere. It was a really, really scary conformity event.